


ANOTHER @#$%& MEETING FIC

by Song_of_the_Black_Wolf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Humor, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 22:58:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11678856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf/pseuds/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf
Summary: As I am sure you have all no doubt surmised, I have a thing for writing AOT meeting disaster fics.  Well....here's another one.  Let the chaos begin.





	ANOTHER @#$%& MEETING FIC

Erwin’s face paled as he entered and looked around the conference room.  This was the worst possible situation.  It was his own fault for being late.  Supreme Commander Zackary had already started the meeting so it was far too late to rearrange the seating.  What could possibly be so horrible as to terrify the commander of the Survey Corps?  There, sitting together, were Mike, Levi, Eren and Zoe – a match made in hell. 

 

Zoe and Mike had always been a handful in meetings.  They were soldiers – fighters, not diplomats.  Once Levi had been added to the mix, many meetings tended to end in disaster.  Now that the teenaged Eren Jaeger had been added to the already volatile mix (due to his having to be within Levi’s sight at all times because he was a titan shifter and it was the only way the government would allow the poor boy to live), meetings were an absolute nightmare.

 

Nobody would ever suspect Humanity’s Strongest, the famous Captain Levi with his infamous glare, would have such a prankster streak in him, but Erwin learned very quickly what an imp the man could truly be when he got bored.  Erwin often made a point of making sure Mike, Zoe and Levi were sitting nowhere near each other during a meeting.  Now there was a fidgety teenager in the group of terrors, and Levi was only too willing to go along with whatever mischief the boy came up with.

 

As usual, at first the meeting went along smoothly.  Commander Dot Pixis was currently speaking.  It all began to fall apart when Zoe suddenly started wondering if titans were ticklish.  Granted, she didn’t have a titan handy to test on, but she did have the next best thing sitting next to her – that being Eren Jaeger, titan shifter.  After several moments of trying to contain her curiosity, she finally lost her battle.

 

Eren was just taking a drink of water when Zoe poked him in the ribs.  A spray of water shot across the table and hit Captain Nelson Brown of the Military Police Brigade squarely in the face.  Eren clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide with the certainty that he was about to die.  Before anyone else could react, Commander Pixis saved the day.  “Heh, heh.  Nice spit shot!  That was better than the one you did when I gave you a swig on top of the Trost wall.”

 

The stunned silence that followed had nothing to do with Pixis’ compliment (the man was known to be rather eccentric), but rather with the fact that he had offered a swig of alcohol to a minor – one that was titan shifter no less!

 

Levi’s expression was as bored as ever, but under his breath he muttered, “Disgusting.”  _What the fuck is Zoe thinking?  WAS Zoe thinking??_

 

After the initial shock wore off and Captain Brown had wiped himself as dry as was possible with his handkerchief, the meeting continued.  Eren sat hunched down in his chair, his shoulders drawn up around his neck in embarrassment and arms wrapped around himself.  Every few moments, poor Eren would jump slightly as Zoe would again poke him in the ribs.  Levi was beginning to catch on to what was happening.  _Of course the kid is fucking ticklish!  He’s a human teenager for fuck’s sake!  How does this in any way tell us anything about titans??_

 

Eventually, Zoe jabbed her finger into the teen’s right armpit and wriggled it.  She was elated by the reaction she got.  The boy jumped clean off his chair with a high pitched yelp of, “Ahh, hahahahaaa!”  This was all made worse by the poor teen hitting his chin on the table as he fell under it, which elicited a loud, “OW!” followed by a low groan of “Owwwwwwwwwww!”

 

_Okay, you know it’s bad when_ **I** _start feeling sorry for the little shit,_ Levi thought.

 

Zoe was the picture of innocence as Erwin stood up and yelled, “Jaeger!  What is your problem?!”

 

“Science,” Levi answered dryly, deciding that Eren was embarrassed enough without being yelled at by the Commander of the Survey Corps on top of everything.

 

Zoe snorted with a failed attempt to squelch a laugh.

 

“Miss Hange, this is neither the time or the place for experimentation.  Leave the boy alone,”  Erwin instructed.

 

Eren clambered back into his seat, his face an impossible shade of red from embarrassment and the meeting continued.  Within minutes however, the boy was again twitching as Zoe relentlessly began experimentally poking him to see where he was ticklish.   So far, Eren was doing an impressive job of ignoring his tormentor and staying quiet.  When she began fiddling with his neck and ear, however, it became too much. 

 

He started swatting at her like a fly, trying in vain to get her to leave him alone.  At a stern look from Erwin, she stopped and Eren sighed with relief.  He cautiously took a sip of water, watching Zoe out the corner of his eye as he did so.  There was an unsettling gleam in the woman’s eyes. 

 

No sooner had Eren set his glass down, then Zoe suddenly stuck her pinky finger in her mouth to wet it and then shoved it in Eren’s right ear.  The resulting squeak sounded for all the world like a Chihuahua that had just been stepped on.  Eren clapped both hands over his mouth in shock that he was even capable of making such a sound.

 

“Hange. . . .” Erwin said dangerously.

 

Levi passed a note to Eren, causing the boy to turn an even deeper shade of red.  **You scream like a little girl, Jaeger.**

 

Now Zoe had something else to fascinate her.  Just how red could Eren get?  She passed him a note of her own.  **Don’t mind Captain Stick-in-the-Mud.  It just adds to your cuteness factor.**

It worked.  Eren turned a little redder.  Unfortunately, Levi caught on to what Zoe was doing.  He passed another note in front of the boy.  **Does the one called Horseface know you have such a girly scream?**

Mike, not wanting to be left out, passed over a note of his own.  **Bet those squeaks drive Mikasa wild in bed!**

Pale spots began to show on Eren’s now dark maroon colored face.  “It’s not like that!” he blurted out.  Now even more embarrassed, he squeaked out a pathetic, “I’m sorry!”

 

“Ah, to be fifteen again,” Pixis said wistfully, before continuing as if nothing happened. 

 

Eren wanted nothing more than to sink down into the floor and disappear forever.  Just as Pixis was finally ending his spiel and sitting down to allow Commander Nile Dok to speak, Eren took a long drink of his water.  Unable to resist temptation and seeing a brilliant opportunity to get out of this boring as fuck meeting, Levi gave the hapless teen a solid poke to the ribs.  Again, water sprayed across the table, soaking not only Captain Brown, but the just standing Commander Dok and another MP (making Nile Dok look like he’d just pissed his pants – _Bonus!_ thought Levi).  

 

Poor Eren choked and looked at his caretaker in horror, his wide, jade eyes asking, ‘How could you??’

 

“Zoe!” Erwin snapped.

 

“What?!”

 

“Stop picking on Eren!”

 

Zoe sat with her mouth hanging open, and Mike just sat there sneering, Eren sank as far as he could into his chair, and Levi just looked as bored as ever.  “Perhaps I should take Eren and go back to headquarters to remove temptation from the crazy scientist lady,” he said dryly.

 

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Yes, go.”

 

“C’mon, Kid.  Let’s go.”

 

Eren didn’t say a word, relieved to be getting out of there, and followed his captain from the room of staring eyes.  Once the doors were closed and he was safely in the empty hallway, Eren said, “Thank you, Captain . . . for getting me out of there, I mean.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Back in the conference room, Pixis sighed sadly.  “Well, there goes the entertainment.  And I was having so much fun.  Nile, do you realize you pissed your pants?”


End file.
